Long Day

Well, this sure hasn't been one of the better days I've had in recent memory. We took Lucas to the children's hospital around 9 or so this morning and had them take blood to check his bilirubin level (congrats to those who recognized the 'midichlorian' Star Wars reference last post), which as I mentioned previously, is what helps indicate how bad a baby's jaundice is. After that, we headed home, expecting to hear from our family doctor by the end of the day since the hospital was forwarding the results to her.

Well, it's never good news when the doctor has left you a voice mail before you even get home asking you to call her ASAP. It turns out Lucas's bilirubin count was up to 375, a pretty massive increase over the 220 and 209 measurements from Monday. I called back and our doctor told us to head straight back to the hospital and go to the emergency room since he very likely needed some kind of treatment.

Marilu took it pretty hard as her emotions have been a roller coaster over this past week. I even had a moment where I just about lost it. I was buckling Lucas into his car seat and he looked up at me with his wide, innocent eyes, and I just felt so goddamn helpless. No matter how "common" jaundice or any other typical childhood ailment supposedly is, when it's your baby that's suffering, there's nothing common about it at all. You try to tell yourself, "It's no big deal. We'll go in and get him fixed right up," but in the back of your mind is that nagging thought that your child might be the 1 in 10000 whose symptom is part of a more deadly problem.

I knew I loved Lucas already, but it wasn't until that moment where I pretty much cried it out for about 20 seconds, just me and my little boy, that I realized just how deep my love for my child goes. Hell, I've had to stop writing twice over the last two paragaphs to wipe away tears. That little guy definitely has my heart.

Anyway, enough mushiness for now. We went back to the hospital, they measured his bilirubins again, and they were in the low 400s so Lucas has been admitted. At the moment, they have him in an incubator-looking thing with three different types of lights (think UV ones from a tanning bed) on him. This is the most common treatment for jaundice and we've been told by all the nurses and doctors that there isn't anything to worry about and that this will more than likely fix him up after a day or two of light treatment. Still, you can't help but have those nagging thoughts that I mentioned earlier. I know I have to be strong for Marilu since her hormones are still on overdrive in the aftermath of birth, and I'm doing my best, but it's just plain tough, especially when you throw in the complete lack of sleep.

Marilu is planning to stay overnight with Lucas, and I'll be heading back shortly, with plans to be there until late evening, probably midnight or so. I'll then return early morning, and we'll likely be there all day with him. I'd probably stay overnight but it's not a private room, and there's not really any room for two people, unfortunately.

I forgot to bring home the camera, since obviously my mind wasn't too focused earlier, but I did take a couple of photos that I'll try and upload tomorrow. We just barely missed the highlight of the visit on film (do we still refer to digital cameras as "film"?), but I'll describe it since it gave us a good laugh, something that was in short supply today.

Since Lucas can't breastfeed very easily, Marilu elected to pump some breastmilk earlier and we then fed it to him by bottle. I don't know if I've mentioned it previously, but Lucas loves to flail his arms around and almost always has them up by his head when he is lying down. Well, while I was holding the bottle at a 45 degree angle to his mouth (as he lay on his back), Lucas moved his hands in such a way that he was basically holding up the bottle himself. I let go and started laughing as it was hilarious to see this little 6 lb, 15 oz baby holding up a bottle that was a 1/3 of his size. We got a shot of it from the top, but unfortunately he shifted just as we went for the profile shot. Oh well, it was good for a smile then and now.

We should have the next batch of bilirubin counts around 11 PM tonight. I'll be back at the hospital so I won't be able to update until much later or even tomorrow, but please keep Lucas in your thoughts. As soon as I can, I'll post whatever news I can.