This morning, I encountered an issue with Lucas that I didn't expect to address for at least another couple of years. As I came down the stairs, I found him looking at a picture of my old dog, Roenick. I had Roenick when I lived in Tampa and Atlanta, and unfortunately he died of meningitis at the young age of 4 in 1998.
Lucas knew about Roenick since I'd mentioned him before, and I may have said that he died. This morning, however, he asked where Roenick was. I started to say that he passed away a long time ago when Lucas asked, "Is he in heaven?"
This threw me for a loop since, to my knowledge, we've never talked about heaven. For those of you who don't know, I was raised Catholic but am now an atheist so there is no reason I would have brought the subject up. I don't think Marilu--who is Catholic--has had any reason to mention it to him so maybe he heard it from a kid at daycare. Whatever the case, the source isn't the issue; I'm more concerned with how to address this and related topics in the coming years.
I'm not a psycho atheist who feels the need to push my non-belief on others so I told Marilu a long time ago that I would have no problem if she brought Lucas to church with her (so long as I don't have to go). Even if I don't believe in the "invisible people in the sky" aspect of religion, I do think there is a lot to be said about the morals and character building one can gain from it. I went to CCD classes when I was growing up, and I think I am a better person for it.
That said, when Lucas surprised me with a point blank question about a place I consider no more real than Hogwarts (i.e., heaven), I had no idea how to respond. On the one hand, I don't want to lie to him about how I feel, but on the other hand, I suppose he has the right to choose for himself, when Marilu starts bringing him to church (probably in a year or two since he would be godawful in there at this age, no pun intended), and I don't want to bias him from the start.
In case you're wondering, I quickly answered his question with a vague answer of "it's possible," and life went on. However, now I need to start thinking about how I am going to handle these types of questions in more detail going forward. Any suggestions from anyone who has been in a similar position would be welcome.
4 comments:
I think that you handled it the right way. My views are similar to yours on the subject but I never told my kids "There is no God!" I say, let him know that there are various beliefs about God, heaven, and religion. Introduce him to the views and let him decide on his own.
I have nothing to suggest since I do believe in God and heaven. But to show my solidarity, it was about this time last year when Jay drove by a cemetary with Carter and made the crazy mistake (God knows why!) of telling him that people are buried in boxes there. Geez, Louise. I'll leave it to your imagination how that went. Particularly when I found out about it.
I think that no matter what you actually believe the idea of heaven is a nice one for kids. I've kinda sorta had to address this with Thierry when my Godmother died (someone he referred to as one of his gramdmas), but we didn't really get into it. He hasn't entirely grasped the fact that she doesn't come to visit anymore even when her husband does. I told him she was in heaven basically because I had no idea what else to say. But actually in French, heaven is "le ciel", so when I actually told him that (in French) it didn't feel like I was telling him something religious, more like an ephemeral "she's in the sky" kind of thing. To me the scary part was saying someone was dead or gone and not coming back. No matter where you say they may have gone (or not gone), I was really scared of freaking him out with the possibility that people go away and don't come back. But really that particular conversation didn't get very deep. He basically just said "oh". I don't think he really understood. I'm sure the questions will get harder eventually though. I'm not sure what I believe anymore, but I think I'll be sticking with some variation on heaven/le ciel and that people that have left us are still out there looking out for us. Don't see any harm in that.
I understand how this sort of thing can be a dilemma Justin. You know how I feel about God, as I was raised Jewish but had a supernatural experience with Jesus in college.
Though I know many differ with me, I do believe heaven is real, Jesus is the only way there (John 3:16) and it's great for children to learn this, but an idea might be to honestly share with Lucas your skepticism (in a way he can understand).
After doing so, perhaps still give him the opp. to read a children's Bible (maybe with Marilu some evenings? Many of them have cool pics!) & overtime let him decide for himself if he believes.
Ok, just a thought...hope you guys are all doing well!
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